Birth

Rocking with the rhythm of my Learning

Rocking in the cradle of my Self

in the velvet womb of my om

I am loving this birth of my Self

Trouble

Whole wide world outside my door
Trouble's sweet stink thick in the misty air

My old vices and new vices too
Itching my feet
Curling my hair

What if I do?
What if I don't?

Ain't no dare I ain't chased,
But I'm tryin' so hard to be still

Every corner
Every step
Every sway of my hips and lick of my lips
Sends a dangerous vibe through the air

Can't find a place to go where it won't follow me home

I, Amie

I am not the sum of all the parts of me you see.
I, Amie.
Recycled Om to fuel tentative steps into a world unseen.
Therapeutic mistakes to invigorate an obstinate grasp on my dreams.
La ti da ti da ti di
I am me. I am me. I am me.

I am not responsible for living up to what you've heard about me.
I, Amie.
Ignorant of sensationalized half-truths, myths and lies.
Empowered by the lure of a future as eccentric as me.
La ti da ti da ti di
I am me. I am me. I am me.

Smoke

hittin' like a heavyweight
driftin' like a feather
smoke follows beauty
no matter the weather

love of destruction
passion for reprieve
smoke follows beauty
no matter your belief

Spent

Trying to think
through this mountain of sleep
and deep uncharted fear
of the known
is like trying to remember a dream once it's gone.

Racing

Racing like I'm running
from
or to
you

Hands are sweaty
Heart is fast
I'm racing like I'm running

Never with you
Always from or to you

With you, time stands still

But, getting there is always like jumping on a spinning merry-go-round

And once I'm on, the edge of the thing makes me dizzy

So.

I get in the center. Where it's still. And, I stay.

As long as I can. Til the ride reverses. Once again.

Bad Case of You

Ditzy Daisies
Midday Lazies
I've got a bad case of you

Sunny Shinebeams
Ice Cream Daydreams
I've got a bad case of you

Fall

Fall, Fall
Autumn is Fall.
If I can't have that,
I won't have it all.

Carbon Nation

Carbon dated

Carbon nation

Pop culture pops

Before it can fizz

So bright and shiny

Bland and flat

Shelf life of the collective attention span:

About a second or two

Diluted Zen

Lost a button
Split my jeans
Ain't superstitious
Don't care what it means

Rock me like it
I'm your Baby
Rock me like it
I'm your Tramp

All we are
Is all we is
That's all I'll say
About that

Underrated

Simply stated, you underrated me.

Delicious pawn, you thought you man enough to snare me.

House of mirrors to entertain me,

But I just look like this.

My doll face is my smoky disguise.

I rob the rich to feed the poor.

I just look like this.

You knew your way through your mirrored maze,

But smoke and mirrors are my favorite game.

If you want back on top, man, you'd better

Readjust your aim.

I'm robbing you now to feed me more.

You'd better ask somebody.

Now, who's zooming who?

You think me a dime,

and maybe one time that's all that I was,

But honeychild's feeding the Lord of the Flies,

And wouldn't think twice about dropping you.

I'm robbing him now to feed you more.

Simply stated, you underrated me.

I just look like this.

Kitty Cat Song

Sittin' outside
Kitty cat
Sittin' outside
Kitty cat
Sittin' outside
Kitty cat
Don't feed her
She'll follow you home

Kitty cat
Likes the warm cream
Kitty cat
Likes the warm cream
Kitty cat
Likes the warm cream
Don't pet her
She'll never go on on

Friday

Maybe I'll take a nap now

Maybe I'll get drunk and dance now,

Or maybe I'll get drunk and write

Maybe I'll do some yoga,

And have a little green tea

Maybe those clouds will rain now

Maybe the sky will cry

Maybe that's not thunder at all

Maybe I was born just to die

Mourning

Biting cold between my teeth
Searing heat behind my eyes
This missing you has me
Perplexed.

Confounded
by strawberries' sweetness
and the moon's pale meekness.
I can't taste luxury
Until I exhale.

Dark smoky haze
Instead of a blaze
When I watch for a face that I know.

Vodka or brandy or
Rootbeer or candy
I'm empty as soon as I'm full.

The end.

Glass

Glass on glass:
This world is not my own.
Through smoky nights of jazz and raindrops,
I've tried to squeeze me in between
This glass on glass
World that's not my own.

Paned immobile:
This globe is all I own.
Pale white wings as smooth as skin,
This ashen halo binds my feet
Of glass on glass.
This globe is all I own.

Glimpse of Peace

Sittin' still through every heartache.
Sittin' still through every piece
Of grief and every bit of
Every tiny shred of every little peace

I can find on this
Island of Sad and Far Away Time.

Writhing like a serpent.
Piercing like a knife.
Rolling through me like the
Black of all the darkest nights.

But every tiny moment
Of the briefest glimpse of peace
Takes me through the rough spots --
Gives me hope I'll be redeemed.

Tea Time

I am time and time is me,
And broken both are we.

We are

Splintered like the china pattern
Shattered at my feet.
My days are lonely fragments
Of the life I used to keep.

Tinker bells and fairy tales once
Danced through every hall,
But now it's time for tea for one.
I'm climbing every wall

Of this cage, cage, cage.
I'm stuck in this age
Of tea for one, and tea for one
Ain't sweet at all,
So time will never be for tea.

Nowhere

Woke up this morning with the whole wide world at my feet.

Woke up this morning with the whole wide world at my feet.

Trouble is my feet forgot their step.

Trouble is my feet forgot their step.

Think I'll tag along with the nowhere man and his nowhere clan

'cause these pretty toes forgot where they goes.

Guess I'm part of this nowhere man and his nowhere clan

'cause this gypsy rose forgot where she began.

I think I smelled the sun, but I forgot today to breathe.

I think I tasted breeze, but I forgot today to eat.

Been sleep walking with the nowhere man and his nowhere clan, and

Today I forgot to be.

Dreamt of You

Dreamt of you last night.

I know 'cause I stayed up cryin'.

Dreamt of you last night.

I know 'cause I woke up smilin'.

How'd this lullabye get so far

Away from home and all I know?

How'd this dark sky sleep-a-bye

Wander off without me?

Run, Run, Run

Around the block and back.

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom

To every moon and back.

Wander off without me

Up all night a cryin',

But then I'll fall, and then I'll dream,

and always dream about you.

REevaluating

Maybe this watchin-tha-grass-grow

Watchin-tha-kids-play

Rockin-on-tha-back-porch

Life

Ain't for me

Always a princess.

Always a pea.

Queen of the willed,

Waiting for tea.

Staying Fast

Waiting on my nowhere land of bliss

To find and pull me once again

Suck me under

Choke my breath

You can't be too far

Mama's too afraid to fly

Not without those nowhere wings

Not without those sky shoes

Mama's not flying - just idling on this

Island of real

Come on back here, nowhere wings

Mama's sittin' still

Come on back here, sky shoes

Mama's staying fast

Gonna sit here and wait

For all the world to pass

Home can't be too far

Day is fading fast

Home can't be too far

Mama's staying fast

Way, Way Down

Walking down

This shuffle-trip-a-walk way

Way

Way

Down

And out

Of nowhere

Skin my knee

High is the grass

From way

Way

Way

Down and out

Or in and about

A million miles

From here

Or there

Or anywhere

Oh where

Oh where

Has my little world gone

Oh where

Oh where

Could I be

Fade

I don't hurt no more.

Don't hurt no more.

New age gotta fade

I ne'er wanted to find,

But I don't hurt no more.

Stones fly and wings bleed,

But I got this fade

I ne'er tried to find,

And I don't hurt no more.

Shasta & Tomatoes

Thanks to some lingering storm clouds brought on by Hurricane Dolly, I'm sitting on my stoop watching a sky that gives me a false sense of Autumn. Boy, am I ready!

My next door neighbor, Chuck, looks a bit like an old friend of mine. I trust him for that and a couple of other odd reasons only I could justify: tomatoes and Shasta.

Shasta is a blue heeler I watched Chuck spend a HOT Saturday building a fence for. She has four cute little fat, furry puppies. Chuck said she got out one night and came back knocked up. The puppies are big enough now to come out in her little yard and roll around with each other. I like watching her nurse her puppies from up here. I don't get close because of my allergies.

Which brings me around to another allergy I have. Tomato plants. Somehow, Chuck's small menagerie of plants on his stoop make me trust him.

Tomato plants and Shasta.

Whatever.

I'm listening to country music (!!!) and sitting quite unladylike on my front stoop waiting for my cajun shrimp cup-o-ramen to cool while I take a break from applying for jobs online.

Boy, I'm looking forward to Autumn!

Across the Way

Purple thirst

Grape smoke

Summer night

upon night

upon night

Gray beard

Brown skin

Summer night

upon night

upon night

Across the way

Another one

Pale moon glow

Who's she writin'?

Summer night

upon night

upon night

Breeze rustles leaves

and curls

and her gown

Her thighs are as white as her breasts

Across the way

Who's she writin'?

Watchin' that tree

like she waits for her lover,

but it's just she

and me

across the way

Summer night

upon night

upon night

Dark Like You

Looking for you now

Sun's dippin' low

Been hidin' all day

But night's comin' on

Leavin' both you'n me in the Dark

Dark Dark shadow

Dark Dark light

Moon or no moon

Night's still night

Looking for you now

Ain't no sun to squint

Been hidin' all day

Lil fires smokin'

All around this skyroom

Dark Dark shadow

Dark Dark light

Moon or no moon

I'll be up all night

I'm smilin'

I'm fakin'

Just a fiend like you

Moon or no moon

Just an addict like you

Blew See Blue

Blue Sea Ache

purple light
red light
blue
sea blue

purple light
red light
blue
sea blue

black tree
white tree
blew see blew

cold, cold sun gonna blow
til you ache

purple light
red light
blue
ache blue

hum it through your teeth
sing through all your disbelief

cold, cold earth gonna burn
til you ache

Big Fat SIGH

Dear Doc James:

Could not print out the letter I wrote to you last night, and that puts a weakness in me in the spot where I'm craving your strength.

this is the spot where i drew little doodles of the music i was listening to while i tried to cheer myself.

Bob Dylan
"...you gotta serve somebody..."

Pure Prairie League
"...won't you look at me and tell me, amie, what you wanna do..."

Spin Doctors
"...been a whole lot easier since tha bitch left town...i take that back i hope you're doin' fine...lil miss, lil miss, lil miss...can't be wrong..."

and then, some Kentucky Headhunters
"...too much purdy on 'er little white face..."
"...little rock and roll angel gotta style that's the talk of the town...causes traffic jams and stares in every crowd...just one look ain't enough..."

I wrote to you of things like lions and found and clipped ivies.

I wrote three pages and they all had nice pictures.

Now, without money for ink, I cannot print your letter and you shall not read my words.

BIG...FAT...SIGH

OnePeace, OneLove, Amie

here's another really sad part that didn't make it into the letter. i could not find stamps. (alas, forsooth, oh no!) fortunately, the temperature dropped below 100 after 8:00 p.m. so i walked to the grocery store for stamps. whew!

444

It's that time of time
where Amie goes
down Highway 61 with Bob Dylan
and every pie in the sky high of every lie in the willed
makes 'er itch.
Itch to roam.
Itch to run.
Itch to chase
Amie.
She's a wild one,
and ain't nothin' held 'er down yet.
Nothin' at all.
She's a wild one,
and ain't nothin' held 'er down yet.
Nothin' at all.
When you're born
with running legs,
your legs are running legs.
She's a wild one,
and ain't nothin' held 'er down yet.

Sanctified

I have given up & out & over.
every
thing
I could steal
away
just to taste the flavor of us,

but . . .

Something smoother gurgles
purer in this pain-free
vacuum of one-sided wander.
Wonder while I lust and
chase you.

Something
cleaner
surer
whiter
blacker

Not us

anymore,

but

Me.

. . .

and Me tastes oh, so good to bad ol' Me.

To My Nest, Bay Bee

cheer yew now for cheering mi

irie cheer yew

one tew three

blessings blessings

one two three

bless you

now

four blessing me

Habitual

so,
i'm still doing that thing ...
i'm still in the habit.

haven't broken it yet.

haven't tried to, really.

still don't know if i'm ready to ...

stop

reaching for your smooth skin across my bed in the mourning when you're not in my bed at all.

that's habit.

i know you're not here. in my head, i mean. my head knows it. i can say it even in my sleep. you're not here.

it's just my hands. and my face. and my cheeks. and my lips. and my toes. my cold feet.

those parts of me.

they forget ...

... they reach for you still.

they forget.

not me, though.
i remember.

it's just a habit. that's all. i'll tackle it ...

... one of these days ...

Drippety Drip Monday Morning Praying

so, i woke this morning.

reluctantly.

drippety dripping going on outside.

i couldn't so much hear it, as i could feel it.

and i was right. correct, anyway.

i was correct.

i tiptoe shuffled into kitchen for a peppermint coffee to give myself something to chastise myself about later ... ah, my eating habits ... tsk, tsk

and there, barely visible through the wide-open view,

drippety
drip
dripping

going on for a while, i presume

ah, gray skies.

my favorite.

alas, tis monday,
forsooth, boss is out on spring break holiday,
oh no, not me.

i'm here.

yay drippety drip monday.
yay office to myself.
yay happy sunshine boys.

every
single
day

spring break

please, god, help me know how to keep happy sunshine smiles on their smooth and freckled faces

please, god, help me know how to keep their happy afros bobbing

please, god, keep us all in that

spot

in that

place

keep us all in our own

om sweet om

ah ... if we could all just look after ourselves, look after our own, look after our Selves,

oh, what a beautiful thing we would bee

photos by Mike Temple.
03/2008
http://www.myspace.com/mctjazz
Thank you, Boss.

Snow through Blossoms - Texas in March