06 September 2007

Uneasy with Ease

Somethin' in 'er eyes tell me she full.

She prowls past my throne and

i smell something in the breeze
that has just left her hair.



The hunter who prepares for her day


by bathing and stretching
in the golden gaze between Earth&Sun

is not preoccupied.

Something
about her
...
satisfaction
shakes up
my
ease.

04 September 2007

Clouds Play in Moon's Grave

The sky.
The sky's so high.
So blue and so bright, when
it's not night.

The sky.
The sky.
It is so high.
It's under my feet, and
So am i.

Bookmark 1

Between these two bookmarks, are pieces I unearthed and found still relevant to me today.

Written between 06/19/07 and 06/24/07 - it must have been raining. I think so clearly during rain. Zz ...

Storm 2


It’s just so
big,
and wonderful,
and real.

I know we can’t
be the only
ones
watch
ing.

This show in the sky,
Of you and of me,
This storm
of you

in
side

me.

Storm 1


Thunder
&
lightning.

Black
&
white.

Big, dark clouds
&
bright,


white


light.

Faeries Lull a (Sweet Good) Bye

Your harmony,
I’m peace,
You’re peace.

I’m harmony
You’re peace,
I’m peace.

Trading places, holding hands,
Spinning circles, humming tunes,
Honeychild, honeybee, killer, killer, sweet queen bee.

My fortuneteller rose today,
He say Ami a Jewel.
I say,
You read me right today,
Ami arose a Jewel.

So, I walked around today,
I walked around a jewel.
I walked around. A Jewel today.
I walked around you, Jewel.

Today,
I …

Tiptoed tulips, sang from vines,
I whisper-willowed Father Time,
Dark with wolves and bears and me,
I danced with Father Time.

I walked around you, Jewel, today.

And this is what you said:

Your fortuneteller’s good, Ami
He’s Tejas through and through.
His friend he told, so, Friend, unfold
Yellow brick, Red-carpet Gold.

The road is narrow, paved with thorns,
It’s true – it’s widely told.

But, your fortuneteller’s good, Ami.
He’s Tejas, that’s for sure.
Today, he rose, his friend, he chose.
Ob La Di Bla Da.

He called Ami a Jewel today,
You walked around a Jewel.
Your fortuneteller’s good, Ami,
He’s Tejas through and through.

Now, have ‘im go and tap Ms. Jones,
So she and me, we both can be
As one and all as three,
You and me and Missus Jones, we
Wanna walk with you on a cloudy day,
Fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high,
Won’t you … won’t, oh won’t you…won’t you…
Amie, whatchya wanna do?
I think I could stay with you, for a while,
Maybe longer …
Oh, longer if I do … and I keep ….
Fallin’ in an’ outta love with you,
Amie,
Fallin’ in an’ outta love with you.
Some? Times? Some … times… sometimes I just don’t know what to do,
I’m fallin’ deep, I’m fallin’ deep, but it’s so steep, its very steep, I’m fallin’ fast, I’m fallin’ fast,
Tell me, Amie, what to do,
What are you gonna do,
Amie?
Amie, whatchya wanna do?
I keep fallin’ in an’ outta love with you,
But I was meant for you, and you were meant for me.
Yeah, I was meant for you, but I don’t know what to do.
Ah, come on now, gimme some sugar, gimme some sugar, little honeybee,
Honeybee, honeychild, killer, killer, sweet queen bee,
I was meant for you,
And you?
You were meant for me.
So come on now and gimme some sugar.
Gimme some sugar little honeybee.

I’ve told you now,
But you don’t know it.
I’ve told you now,
But you don’t know it.
Twice you want it,
Once I’ve told it,
One more time,
Plus that is twice.
Twice you want it,
Once I’ve told it.
One more time,
Plus that is twice.
I’ve told you now,
But you don’t know,
I’ll tell it now
Again
Another way, but still the same,
The story twice is telling.


Your lullabies are not a dream,
Your lulled goodbyes are not a dream,
They’ve been sung,
Oh,
They’ve been sung.
They live.
They’re not your dream.

Young girls under tree leaves
Brown, and gold, and yellow green,
And sunny-speckled, fairly freckled, cheeks of red and pink,
Oh, yes, my Jewel
Your lulls, your byes, your lullabies,
Your Faeries sing them far and wide.

Your deeds are stacked, Jewel,
Ten miles high,
Your Karma’s still not budging.
Bullfrogs croak, crickets chirp, your judges all are judging.
Your deeds are stacked, Jewel,
Ten miles high,
Your Karma’s still not budging.

Your Karma’s not budging.
Your judges are judging
The wrong stack of glittery deeds,
So tell your judges, Jewel,
Tell ‘em go home,
Go find someone worth all their judging.

For I’m going, I’m going, I’m going back home
Back home where I once belonged
Back on the good ship lollipop
It’s a sweet trip to the candy shop
Where bon bons play
On the sunny beach of peppermint bay
Back on the good ship lollipop
Back home where I once belonged
For I’m going, I’m going, I’m going back home,
Back to the top, the tippity top, of the big, big rock
That big rock candy mountain
Where marshmallow skies tell strawberry lies
And the blues are sweet marmalade fields.
Abbey Road is forever and
Lennon Imagines his pie
In the sky on the wings of a pig.
The marshmallow skies tell strawberry lies
And we lap it up like water
Ree, watery, watery, wet,
As wet as you get, as wet as you get,
It’s never as wet as it was,
So, you’re goin’ back,
You’re going back home,
To find out how you belonged
Innocent, sweet, but deeper than deep
In something so beautifully dark
As wet as you get, as wet as you get,
It’s never as wet as it was,
So you’re going back, going back, going back
Home,
To find out how you once belonged.

You get to go back, we get to go back,
If only we tell what we know.
You know it, I know it.
You show it, you sing it.
I’ll write it, you read it.
Your riches, my riches.
We’ll both share the wealth.

Those little ones dream such big dreams.

You watch it, you learn it.
You burn it, I’ll smoke it.
Freeing sweet honey-soaked lies
Of bumblebees, dragonflies, and killer sweet
Beautiful killer queen bees
Goddess of lilies, goddess of rain, goddess of daffodils, daisies, and thyme,
Ivies and Ivories, Ashers and Bens,
Of Benjamin, Been Jammin, Benji and Boo,
Big Dee? Cricket? That Asher, … he knew
Which one he called … or tickled, or tortured, or hugged, or harassed, Crickey? Big Dee?
Thing One or Thing Two?
That Asher, … he knew.

C’mon, big brother.
C’mon brothers two. Follow me, Asher, and Big Brother Boo.
Follow me, Asher, and Benjamin, too.

Wendy’s a-nest atop of Pan’s tree,
She’ll spin us all the most colorful tales.
You’ll listen and love her for loving you first.

Benji is jammin’ with Beatle-long hair.
Mommy’s got Magic alone in her lair.
Asher’s Ben-busy, but makin’ some time
To play with you, brothers, to make your world mine.

Atop of Pan’s tree,
We’ll crow and we’ll fly.
I’m busy sweet brothers, but I’m makin’ some time.
You make me yours and I’ll make you mine.
We’ll crow and we’ll fly and we’ll dance and we’ll sing
Up there with Wendy
Atop of Pan’s tree

She plays the flute, she plays with Pan’s harp,
Chimes and drums and birds that sing.
Limes and plums and church bells ring
‘round the rosies, down the hall, pluck a daisy, bounce a ball,
Good is better,
Better best,
Best is better than the rest.
Lennon and Dylan and Harper and Raitt
Are bobbin’ with Marley, Tedeschi and K.

K, oh he’s jammin’
And Benjamin too,
Your Mommy’s our Wendy
And Peter Pan, too.
She Tom and she’s Huck,
He’s Sawyer and Finn.

Brother one, brother two, to each of you, twin,
Asher says, brother, so listen to him.

Not everyone lives like this,
Brothers, see?

Not everyone lives at the top of a tree.
With bumblebees doing their deedlebug dance,
With dragonflies casting their blueberry trance.
With lemonade sipping through clear plastic straws,
Now dash away, dash away, Asher, and all.

Your Love and your Faith are buried dark deep
With dirt and with sod. With roots and with worms.
Share a tea with what’s hers and what’s yours.
Your Love and your Faith are buried dark deep.
Tell the story that she already knows,
She’s buried dark deep with roots and with worms and grows through our skin like a glow
She’s a flame of Mom’s Wendy alive in us all.

She brings Daddy peaches,
She brings Daddy plums,
She rinses and pats them and cuts them in squares
With bells on her toes and curls in her hair.

Not everyone’s Mommy is crazy like ours.
Not everyone’s Mommy is so unrefined:
Ours whistles and curses when she forgets that we’re here,
She sings and she dances while she pours Daddy’s beer,
She says “Mommy’s sorry,” when she makes a mistake,
She hates a frog, but she loves the snake.
Mosquitoes are demons – worse than wet floors,
Mommy’s the richest – she’s never been poor.
Our Mommy is goofy, and silly, and sly,
And cocky, conceited, she’ll laugh ‘til we’re high
With happy and golden and blue-purple sky,
Our Mommy obsesses with sharing her sky.
Our Mommy is goofy, and silly, and sly,
Mommy’s “We’ll see,” it only means “Maybe.”

Daddy is jammin’
Benji is too.
Your Mommy’s our Wendy,
And Peter Pan too.
She’s Tom and she’s Huck,
He’s Sawyer and Finn,
No one else lives like this,
Brothers, you see,

This is our Nest.
This is our Tree.

Dad’s playin’ drums,
Dad’s plantin’ flowers,
Mom’s borrowed Wendy’s
Pen for four hours.

She planted her love. She planted her faith.
A river you are, you are, and am I.
Eden needs four – let’s see what we got.
You and you and him and me.
Brother, Brother, Benji, Me.
Brothers, Rivers, Four are We.

So, c’mon, Ivory, let go of Big Dee,
Lennon and Dylan and Harper and Raitt
Are bobbin’ with Marley, Tedeschi, and K.

Mama’s in the kitchen.
Daddy’s at the grill.

Hubbard’s at the Snake Farm,
Petty’s at the Zoo.

Mama’s on the sofa.
Daddy’s in the chair.

Daddy’s feet are on the floor.
Mama’s in the air.

She is sugar, she is sweet.
She is mean, she can’t be beat.
She has tippy-toes for feet,
She hops, she dances in the street.
She is regal, she is wise.
She is coarse and unrefined.
She’s the free in Skynard’s bird.
She’s the wild in every prairie
Flowers, fires, smoke and faeries.
She fears fire, but loves the smoke.

Mama’s in the kitchen.
Daddy’s at the grill.

The clouds are heavy, dark and wet,
Mama’s in the kitchen,
Daddy’s at the grill.

The sky is growling, deep and low,
Mama’s in the kitchen,
Daddy’s at the grill.
The sky will open.
We’ll all be wet.

Welcome Home

Your life, you knew, would breathe my breathing.
You knew, at first you knew.
You saw, at first you saw.
What all your life you knew.

It takes not one,
It takes not one,
It takes not one,
But two.

One and one is two,
Two and two is four.
Four and twenty make a day;
A day makes twenty-four.
Son, Twenty three is not a day;
A day makes twenty four.
Sun Twenty-three is not a day;
A day needs one sun more.
A day needs one sun more.
Give Daddy two sons more. I want it, Mama. I want more.
Twenty-three is not a day,
A day needs one sun more.
And a week makes seven more…
And a month makes thirty more…
Twelve a year, a year for you,
You’re king, my son, your king and then you blink, you’re in war.
And a war made seventy-four.
Son, you hear? I said a war. A war made seventy-four.

Add five for seventy nine.

I was born while you were bearing.
I cut teeth while you were tearing.
I first walked while you were running.
I was round while you were lost.
In Big and Bright and Loud.
You were lost until you found
That you were you and me.
Crash … into me … into the space between.
Between some space between the big and sad and dark and lost was you.
You were lost,
And I was found until I lost that center of my world for you.
I gave me up. I found you filling. My … self … more than … I …
I paused and melted …found …for lost.
I melted found for lost. For you. For you,
I lost my found… and you lost your lost –with my lost found, you filled your self to filling
With my spilling spilling found to trade your lost until you started winning.
I’d ride your winning higher than mine could spin, spin, spinning on my own was lost for you.
You chewed me up and spit you out.

And I feel so good in it.
In that thing you made when you made us,
Or let me make it,
Whichever we decided it was.

You chewed me up and spit you out.

I gave you two and two.

Two years spent, now
Two sons bent
Across your arms this morning,
Laughing, hugging, kissing, laughing,
Two sons called you Daddy.
Two and two for you.
I was one, I added you.
We grew two by two.

One and one is two,
Two and two is four.
Four and twenty make a day;
A day makes twenty-four.
Twenty three is not a day.
A day makes twenty four.


In seven days, God made the earth.
He sent his son, they say
On Christmas cards and Christmas songs you hear while buying Christmas.
Well, one week later, we start our year and you come into being.
You met my sons the day after Christmas.
You played their games they gave you a crown.
Benjamin snapped into loving.
You met my mom.
We moved you in.
One week after Christmas.
On New Year’s Day I heard you say it,
Mama, can Daddy come home?

In seven days, God made the Earth,
Seven days was your rebirth.

You’ve been here before.
Where have you been?
You’re mine; now let me come home.
I’ve missed you all this time.
You’re mine; Mama, let me come home.
You’re hear at last, I’m waiting so long
To watch your mouth
say it
say it
say it
say it.

Daddy come home.

“It’s cold outside, Mama. Can your Daddy come home?”

And it was cold, our Eden. Softly, breathing, softly sleeping.
A coincidence.
A spider bite.
An uncannily hot Christmas week, but
What can you say ‘bout crazy Texas heat.
The ice the heat the ice the heat the ice the heat the ice …
Switching places Texas-fast, crazy Texas Christmas heat.
The spider bit me,
I was dizzy,
Much too much to walk,
But I drove to the doctor with the last of my holiday high, bright sunny sun in the sky, black boots up to my thigh, with the fading fumes of my cranberry Christmas high, I drove my little red Jeep to the doctor,
The bright was so bright,
And the sun was so sunny,
My eyes were red and dusty and blurry, and worst of all
I was dizzy, so dizzy, so dizzy, so dizzy,
I waited and waited,
But nobody saw me, and I remembered the sexiest man, the blackest, the brightest, the dirtiest beautiful sight, the lonely, the sad, the crazy, the sexy, the old, young, dirty old man, the craziest, sexiest,
Lost,
I thought of him that spider-bite-day while the sun burned unseasonably sunny,
And he lived in some crack house a couple of blocks away, so I went an’ got ‘im.

Sherry Lynn? Yes. Hi. Yes. Bye.
Black and Unc. Yes. Thump. Slap. Thump. Slap. Bye.
White and polished in a den of thieves and den of thieves and lions and lies
A knife and some guns and some thugs and some drugs and some crazy ol’, crazy ol’ lies, like:
This is the life.
Air thick with lies, like: It’s mine, and I’m livin’ my life.
Rescue me. I’m who you know I am. I’m bare-boned and crazy for you.
You belong among the wildflowers and I wanna be the motherfucker that brings ‘em to you.

Daddy, I loved you,
From the second I saw you.
So strong and so weak so crowded, so lonely, so lonely with waiting and waiting for me.
If my arms were the sky I would have scooped you up and breathed in you til you lived
Your lost, lost eyes,
They made me cry when you were gone.
I cried with the lusty lost of the loved,
I cried for you when you left.
If I had been sky if I could be light, I’d have breathed in you til you could breathe.
I cried, Daddy, I hurt like I loved you before.

I hurt like I’d loved you all of my life.

I did, Daddy. You know that I did. I’ve proven I did.

Where have you been?
You said to me you looked through - you knew that you knew that I knew
Smoke was smoking, grills were grilling, fans were fanning sweat, and naps were mapping dreams on starry nights.
Summertime, and the livin’s easy, fish are jumpin’ and the cotton’s high
in twenty-six years to the very exact day before I ran into you.
I breathed. At last. You breathed your breath right through me.
Your light was there, my light was here, but you stopped yours … once you saw
Your tunnel ending,
Light was calling,
You came crawling,
Home.
Too,
Me.
And it’s just for your sake that you be mine, girl,
I’m crawling too
Any time life beats me
Light is calling
We come crawling
Scratching, clawing,
Straight to heaven through hell.

Mama, can your Daddy come home?
There’s fried chicken on the stove, football’s on and the beer is cold,
Much colder than the water in that aluminum horse trough, stock tank, pool the kids are in,
And leaves are falling, but the sunny is sunny until it gets cold, and right now
It’s cold outside.
Can your Daddy come home?

You one tough bitch.
You one mean bitch.
You one tough, mean, sweet bitch,

And don’t make me breathe without breathing your air.
I don’t know how I’ll do it…but I have no choice.

I’m not living if not with you.

I don’t know how I’ll do it, but
I’m beatin’ me… ‘til I stop beatin’… me.

You sweet motherfucker.
You know that?
You a sweet … motherfucker.

And I ain’t gonna cry,
Cause I said that I wouldn’t.

You tough enough to beat my ass,
You tough enough to beat my ass, girl.
You sweet honeychild.

Goddamn, it girl, you kicked my ass…

For me.

Ain’t nobody … ever beat me …into loving me.
Ain’t nobody …said… I’mma make you …hate it …as much as me.
Ain’t nobody …beat me …till …I …beat me.
Ain’t NO.body…piss me off … more …than… you.

You one bad bitch.
You one tough bitch.
You sweet motherfucker.

I’m coming home, Mama.
I’m saying, I’m tired of this cold, Man.

You open them arms, Mama,
Daddy’s home.

I ain’t never goin’ nowhere. Ain’t never. Never going nowhere.
I’m home, goddamn it, I’m home.

It’s taken better men than me,
Now how can that be?

Put my beer in the freezer and some salt on my glass.
You do what you do girl, you do what you do,
You just open them arms and open them legs and do what you do to keep Daddy in the light
I’m home and I’m stayin’
You open them legs
I’m not waiting away anymore light.
I reached the end. The Secret is mine. Knew the day afer juneteenth.

I danced and I sang. I danced and I sang.
I fried pork that only men eat.
I danced and I sang the song that is mine.
I shook you hard with the glory of knowing.
I reached the end. The end of the lying. The end of the waiting. The end of the dying.
I’m here with you now.
We’re living past living.
We found it. It’s paradise lost.
Maybe once, but now it is found.
I was blind, but now I see.

You’re a sweet motherfucker,
You open them arms.

You hear me girl?
Ain’t nobody loved me for me.

You hear me girl,
You getcho ass over here,

I’m ready. You …made …me …ready… to love …me.

It’s cold outside,
Can your Daddy come home?

I’m askin’, I’m beggin’, I’m tired of losing this game.
I’m askin’, I’m crawlin’, I’m tired of lying,

You win,
Can your Daddy come home?

I get it,
Can your Daddy come home?

I’m me, Mama.
Daddy is home.

Hey Daddy?
Dot
Dot
Dot
Daddy, Wel…come home.

Think, Sex, Feel, Love

T. S. F. Amore,

I always feared the light at the end of the tunnel,
So, upon finding myself here, I’ve decided to enjoy the tunnel for the tunnel’s sake.

Surely, she knows the light better than any
I’ll cleave to her and me she’ll teach until the light finds me.

Who were the Mayans and why do I need to find out?
What is this paradise lost and found?
Who is this god beneath my goddess?

I saw paradise once
I felt her breath
I smelled her think and drank her move
Her back was to me, but her shield shone true the reflection of wild abandon of youthful wonderlust
Of pale yellow sunlight and thick, ripe air sweet with smells too primal to name
The smell of the promise that burns through your skin the smell of wet summer the hot winter snow

I fear fire, but love watching beautiful smoke
Curl and curl and
Dance and dance and curl and twist and climb.
It’s the wildest thing I think I’ve seen,
A sexual invitation from the ashes of destruction.
Isn’t that a lot of life?
Sexuality creates, so
Destruction creates,
As long as the sex is sexed.
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end,”
They sang it in “Closing Time.”

It’s a circle if you want it to be
It’s a circle if you don’t
It’s a circle if you don’t know what is a circle
It’s a circle if you want it to be
It’s a circle if you don’t

…but, here’s the secret
A circle can be whatever you want
If you want, it will be your throne
Here is mine
This is my world,
My world is thine.
And thy and thee and you.
We are circled in its circles and we hang from twining vines
Because I want it so I have it
I am yours and you are mine
I am the queen the king is mine

Re. Thinking

Re …

Related
Ideas
People
To each on her or his level

Related
Relatives
Relative
Relation
Relationships

Regard
Regarding
Regards

Rebirth
Replant
Reinvent
Rejuvinte
Rebirth
Reincarnate

Television as a way to pass the time
Books as a way to pass the time
Differences
My past versus my present
What I am doing to bridge the gap between my earliest pastimes and my present pastimes
Relating to different people at different stages of my work/day cycle
Synchronizing myself with those who inspire me
Saught inspiration through words that created pictures in my mind when I was young
Television was introduced late in my life and my interest was already held by something else
However, my earliest tv memories are by far my fondest
(recall some old movies/sitcoms)
Inspiration lulled again
Television went away and then came back and is now semipresent but fading
Books came and went and are now semipresent but becoming more and more prominent
My inspiration has waxed and waned and now I feel is only budding
My life until today only a dress rehearsal, a warm-up I was bored with but still had to participate in until it was my turn to take the stage
And now it is time and my new skin feels so right
Each new day feels so bright
I am well and I am right

Bee Taboo

My think tank is a lot like Johnny’s soul shake down.

All of us just wide gold eyes and bobbing mouth and oh-ing lips and face
But minds we are. so all are we. in this tank to think.

Thomas Alva, Mr. E, then there’s Albert, Mr. E, who was Amelia’s Mr. E?

All of us a glowing orb marred by murky depths
Of purple oozing bloody snot and muddy murky glurp.

We’d rather slurp and feed on filth than drink the light’s first light.

We’d rather gorge and purge on slop than lie in white silk sheets.


With Ivies growing vines on walls and golden sunlight down the halls
Tomatoes bowling on the pot Bob Marley sunlight down the halls
Ben Harper has Be’n-jam’in’ in the nursery down the hall with Asher,
Ivory and Big Dee bobbing Afros waving arms
Me and Daddy swing on vines and eat wild fruit and paint wild lies
Blowing bubbles all are we. we dance we laugh on tidal waves.

All of us just wide gold eyes and bobbing mouth and oh-ing lips and face
But minds we are. so all are we. in this tank to think.

Shh ... Cicadas

I am the mighty rooster with a purple peacock mane.

I am the mighty cock with a flowing lion’s tail.

I am the king of the jungle, although you think me queen.

I laid an egg, so, it is said, that I am she.

She is lovely,
She is wise,
She is loved,
She is despised.

She is black with skin of white; she is pure of sin’s delight.

Her empty fullness makes her puke.

Her spinning goldness makes you full you are so full you wanna puke in her so she can be like me
But me is he I am not she who makes you overflow I am she am full of he who makes me me

She’ll cast her spell
You sing so well.
She’ll make you sing and sing.
You think you seek, but you are found.
Were blind, but now you see.

I am the story, not the teller. I am the breezes, not the sea.
I am the smell, I’m not the flower. I am the minute, not the hour.
I am the truth that will be told. My story, me, and you the mind
That makes the universe unwind into the vapor of breath from God’s own nostril into mine

I am the music not the mouth
I am the pound I’m not the ounce
I am the feather not the weight
I am the gold I’m not the gate
I am the spell I’m not the sprite
I am filth I’m not refined


I am the story not the teller I am the breezes not the sea
I am the smell I’m not the flower I am the minute not the hour
I am the truth that will be told. My story, me, and you the mind
That makes the universe unwind into the vapor of breath from God’s own nostril into mine

She’ll cast her spell
You sing so well.
She’ll make you sing and sing.
You think you seek, but you are found.
Were blind, but now you see.

Her spinning goldness makes you bust.
You are so full you wanna puke
In her, so she can be…like me.
But me is he.
I am not she
who makes you overflow.
I am she,
am full of he
who makes me me.

Her empty fullness makes her puke.

She is black with skin of white; she is pure of sin’s delight.

She is lovely,
She is wise,
She is loved,
She is despised.

I laid an egg, so, it is said, that I am she.

I am the king of the jungle, although you think me queen.

I am the mighty cock with a flowing lion’s tail.

I am the mighty rooster with a purple peacock mane.

I am the king of the jungle, although you think me queen.

I am the king.
I make you sing and sing.

Amazing Stillness


















I am always naked.

I do not read one book at a time.

I do not write one book at a time.

I cannot fit all I want to do into one life. I live them all at once. I am mocked for admitting I want it all. I am scorned for saying I will have it. I am feared for going out and getting it.

I want it all.

I see it all.

I have it all. Everything I’ve ever wanted. I do not have everything you have ever wanted, but you see my coy contentment and you think I must. I just have everything I desire. Me. I. Not them. Not you. None of what I have is stolen. Just accepted. I was last in the party dress queue so they had run out of beautiful party dresses by the time they got to me and I got a crumpled brown paper bag instead of a dress, but since I arrived in a party dress mood, I wear the crumpled brown paper bag as my consolation prize, but you see I’m completely naked. You don’t see my paper bag at all, and no one sees the party dress you ambitiously brazen. I am as naked as I’ve ever been underneath this bag and you can see it in my eyes. I would have worn a barrel with suspenders as long as it made my point glaringly obvious that I am not a product of someone else’s product. I am me.

I do not write one book at a time.

I do not read one book at a time.

I am always naked.

My thoughts, my actions, my visions, my life is lived on many dimensions and I do not think it is required of me to choose one dimension to override the others. Mother does not cool the lover. Beauty does not tame the beast. Clean does not whiten dirty. Famine never lessens feast.

Your life is the one that comforts you, and I would love to hear your story. I have many things to learn and would love to start with learning you. Please get past my rapacious appetite for life and show me who you are. Please acquaint yourself with the beat of my drum so it no longer frightens you. I am only a mirror. You should not be afraid of things inside yourself you do not understand.

I watched my 19-month-old twin boys tonight. I mean, really watched. They wear a constant smile and seem always searching and always finding and I love the energy their father and I transferred to them. I sat in their bedroom floor with a video camera plugged in the wall beside their dresser. I couldn’t move much, but I sat down on the floor as close to their level as the wire would permit. And I watched. I made an effort not to interfere. Not to instruct or discipline or guide.

It is amazing what I learn when I’m still.

Bookmark 1

Between these two bookmarks, are pieces I unearthed and found still relevant to me today.

Written between 06/19/07 and 06/24/07 - it must have been raining. I think so clearly during rain. Zz ...