Apes

Bees

daisy

a long time ago,
we decided to invoke that word
as our distress call
but we were so young
no distress ever came
so we used it
used it a whole lot
in place of love
more than love
sister love
now we are older
now I invoke its proper use
and all those years of
love
seeped
in all its ragged edges

daisy

slow retreat

I asked him
if he was scared.
Sometimes, he said.
He could feel
his body growing roots
and going back into the earth.
That part wasn't scary.
It was that it happened
so slowly,
and he had to watch his wife's
big, round, scared eyes
pity him.
His shame had long since
gone down the drain
while the big, German nurse
dried his body
and dressed him
like a ragdoll.
Even his sons' eyes were different.
That was the scary part.
Watching them realize
they were gonna have to
find a new hero.

frito girl

Frito girl,
so confident.
She offers me an icemilk
after feeding her goats.
Me, so shy.
Her mom calls me mija,
but I am only a gringa.
I want to show her
the piece of moss I peeled up for her.
Like velvet,
and the smell of cool dirt,
and the damp of rotting leaves;
nothing like the smell
of her.
She smells like
Fritos.
Like salt.
Like corn.
The tip of my tongue
burns and my mouth waters
just thinking about her.

Cunt

All that hate
Those unholy relics
The shrine
To me
You built
I take
Your impotent phallus
That shriveled you
And you hate me because what you hold has been mine all along
You plot my murder
While I bring you back to life
Bow to the holy
Cunt

she is sad

I cry I hug strangers I say I love you every time it bubbles up in me to you to me to strangers to She who courses through every vein of Creation and I do not feel ashamed to acknowledge the pain of the world the stain of the creeping sadness of the lost and the wailing the us the people of the earth

alchemy of countenance

so much magic. disregarded. an old man cried. an older man surrendered. a beautiful woman sighed. a young man repented. a stranger praised. a beautiful man confessed. i witnessed all this on a wednesday before noon.

quick sketch of the fearful one in the tea room

my fear, don't leave me, i don't know, sometimes, how to breathe without you my oldest friend my security blanket my excuse to remain immobile without you, i might run into the outstretched arms of fate or stumble into the bliss of joy the fleeting the eternal the always, ever, only now that is the all of the nothings stretching out and out into forever on either side but never touching me the now that is everything it was born to be fear, don't leave me now how do i breathe without you don't leave me now clutching only to the blinding glare of hope

morning salutation

whispered oneness of the wild things,
 i crave you
sound of simultaneous songbird flight,
 i hear you
frantic frenzy of the one left behind,
i root for you
i close my eyes
and let my bird parts quiver ...
they shiver,
they shake,
 they flutter,
they fly,
they soar,
they sing,
 they take
and they bring
the joy of the sky,
the life of the field
my hollow bones,
dainty feet,
 feathered wing,
your song in my throat,
it gurgles up
 joyously
 and i let myself sing -
for with you
and in you,
I AM
this morning's queen

quick sketch of the earthbound mystic

how do i thank you
lover of worlds unseen?
not in the gold that
dazzles the pretentious,
but in clytie's gold petals,
i thank you.
not in the palaces that
placate the pompous,
but in aurai's wings,
i thank you.
not in the diamonds that
weigh down the fingers of queens,
but in asteria's sky gems,
i thank you.
you lover of earth and of wind and of sky,
i thank you in flowers and breezes and stars,
for that is your worth.
you tamer of passions,
you wrangler of pride,
you priestess of unvarnished truth,
i thank you.
you conundrum of love,
your heart has picked well,
for your name is worthy of love
yet your sign is love unrequited -
your gift has set you free.

quick sketch of the sad girl at the market

was it always a mirage
in my fool's head
or were you happy ... in the beginning?

i'm a masochistic fiend
addicted to my own blood
convinced i want the real thing

... on this everlasting quest ...

eager to risk it all
for the magic
chasing that eternal first taste

and i lie
to myself
"i'm not a fool to believe..."

... i think ... i say ...

but i question
these exquisite cages
these elaborate bonds

and i find myself here
again and again
the unlovable one

... tell me ...

it was real
if only for a moment
don't quench my thirst

to try, to chase
that first taste
that virgin's blood

... of love ...

lady yule

if i could, sweet bee,
i'd whisk you away to a winter hideaway
i'd call the snowflakes just to watch them compete with your fading summer freckles
(bless you, frau holle, for shaking your feather bed)
i'd plant a forest just for the right to chop one down for you
i'd burn it down, in tiny pieces, shoved into an ancient stove,
to watch your cheeks find their roses again,
to let your eyes leak their tears until they shined again,
we'd make smoke signals to the sisters and forget all the misters
the squirrels they would scamper,
the bears would play banjos,
the foxes would dance through the trees,
the rabbits would drum - drum, drum, di, drum, drum,
while the owls penned sonnets to the breeze
while alcyone's sleep tamed the wild seas
i'd feather your nest with the seams of the sky
where the wildest ones fly - the blindest, the wisest - like you and like me
let the wheel stop while the sun has her sleep
i'd nestle your head while you weep and you weep
and just as they came, those shadows, they'd creep ... away
for the nymph who taught bees to make their sweet honey,
the sun will once more be ever so sunny

banyan

respect

i bow

thank you

for your

mighty limbs

ancient root

grateful

timeless shield

tireless shade

respect

i bow

ask you

for your

vital fruit

primal seed

grant me

endless yield

immortal feast

respect

i bow

give you

for your

lasting line

deathless field

plant your

ceaseless breed

eternal tree

acting out

sometimes i don't know what to do
so i cry
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i sleep
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i eat
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i drink
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i smoke
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i laugh
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i fight
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i fuck
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i play
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i breathe
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i believe
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i love
sometimes i don't know what to do
but i always know i want to do it with you

blind

i'm holding

all these broken pieces

twisted, charred and

splintered pieces

in my hands

my grasp

is slipping

we both keep tripping

on hearts too big

too full

for our straight thinking

anon

this tiny little death

this anonymous soul

i can almost welcome the pain

just to help you escape the wrath of the world

mother

one day i'll do it
maybe never
maybe soon
tell you all the things to make you whole
those things i took away
to give you the whole wide world
you're that piece of me that breathes for me
and i die daily
eternal asphyxiation
enduring annihilation
of me
so you
can breathe
the want in me, i let it starve
in hopes you'll gorge on life
the exceptional beauty of every second of you
i kept from me so you might see
it all in you
you're the best of me, all that's left of me
and if my dying lets you live
you live for me

chase

i paint my face for you
i'm trimmed in lace for you
i'm the pot of gold
that'll never get old
each day, i'll be a new chase for you
but chase
don't waste
my time
i'm a runner
i'm a wanderer
i'm a gypsy
i'm a sprite
but for you
i'll be your daily chase
but chase
i paint my face for you
i'm trimmed in lace for you
i'm the pot of gold
that'll never get old
but chase
i run
but i'll run for you
just chase
me
when you catch me, release me
let me fly
it's my night
it's my sky
but if you'll chase
each day, i'll be a new chase for you

alice sin

you have not because you ask not
but i have because i take
you
i paint my walls with you
before i ask
i fill my mind with you
before i ask
you dance for me
because i say
you will
you muse
my fuse
my liquid om
i drink you now
you take me home
and let me fly
before i die
then kill me once again

star sister

where are you, sister
those bits of you,
that scattered, shattered oneness
those soul splinters
that truth
that ruthless love
that drove me to myself
that rode me to my wealth
that stripped me of my mind
replaced my brash with stealth
of truth of time of wild so quiet she whispers
the wail of infinite drifters
all seeking
that you inside them all
where are you, sister

spore

i'll love you like a curse until the day i don't and even then you'll feel it
creeping up your throat when you have a mind to smile
crushing through your chest when you're rounding your last mile
and i'll grow through every vein like a seed
you'll see my eyes you'll see my face every time you feel that need
to hold to chase to live to breathe
i'll infest every cell with rapid viral speed
you'll feel my hands you'll feel my touch every time you feel that need
to go to run to fuck to breed
i'll warn you now, but still i'll love you like a sunburn like a brainfreeze
i'll love you like a curse until the day i don't and even then you'll feel it
you'll feel it 'til you won't and then you will

again

and again and again and again

creeping up your throat to choke out every smile
crushing through your chest while you push through your last mile
and i'll grow through every vein like a seed
you'll see my eyes in every face while you fight the need
to hold to chase to live to breathe
you'll feel my hands in every touch each time you know that need
to go to run to fuck to breed

healer's curse

i pour my love into cracks too big to hold it
that heart of yours that still is hers
my words can't begin to describe it
but i try and i try
and each day a little more of me dies
that hope once blooming is now decaying
into a cancer so black and twisted
that even to the worst i couldn't wish it
so i patch it and i stitch it
with pieces of mine into a quilt
that will always beat in time with mine
it pulses it writhes it's bloody like mine
and still
i pour my love into cracks to big to hold it
you're healing and you don't even know it
but you will
and next time
when you try
you'll feel it - more deeply than any tear
more jagged than the claws of her snare
you'll feel it
that heart you have is whole
but the patches
the stitches
they're mine
you're whole, and you still don't know it
but you will
and the next time you try
that unnatural flutter, that quickening of excitement,
that love of divine,
that's mine

Sleeping

i slept a dead sleep and
i did not walk

if i flew,
i flew me round the dark side of the moon
where whispers wander freely
and time does trickle nearly close to real

Dangerous

my thoughts are a runaway train
but there's a bomb in my pocket
i'll take you insideout but i'll drop you fast
when last you saw me i was learning
but now i'm learned
i'll build you a castle
but then i'll burn it
i'll furnish it, polish it; i'll make it gleam
in the sun like your most golden dream
then i'll smoke it all
burn it all
turn it all down to ash on the ground

Newness

And then there was a once upon a time
that all the little ones
reached out into the darkness of what isn't

they reached out with  blind pink paws
and sniffed with
blind little pink mole noses
and their collective little blind mole whiskers
positively quivered
for the newness of it all

Boy Boy Destroy

Boy Boy Destroy

How sad to be a boy
Boy boy destroy
To see the ant without hearing its hum
Boy boy destroy
To see the tree without feeling its love
Boy boy destroy
To hold me each night without knowing my worth
Boy boy destroy

juneteenth

not every day i'm alone do i feel lonely
but today i'm alone and i feel lonely
and so i eat greasy cheesy snacks
and wear thick gray woolen socks
i look out windows and think about you
i draw bubble baths and forget to take them
til they're chilly and bubble-popped
nothing holds my attention
but everything attracts it
not every day i'm alone do i feel lonely
but today i'm alone and i feel lonely

even hate. let it be

your self-prophetic cancer
hate me slowly - each and every second from now til you decide to die
and it's so futile being born and reborn
every century or so
to love or to hate me
to be polarized by me
instead of listening to the cicadas who know how to be
so peacefully viciously cicadaly free
just cicadaly cicadaing next to peaceful ol' me

it's never the flame
that kills the moth
it's the moth

jumping. into. the flame.

it's always
always
always
the moth that kills the moth

...

peace monster
i told you
don't bite - don't chew
blissfully
ignorantly
thee

chained to the cancer of hating the free

make it

you and me,

we got this
nonverbal

and this

drive

to make it
everything

even

verbal

Rite

she was earth itself
and inside her i did not apologize for violence
the violence of emotion
of devotion
the violence of void
as i emptied myself
again and again
i live
i breathe
it is now
only. ever. always.
now

Inequities

there is something new in me
a sharpening of my awareness
a tangible draw where what before was more like a ... hunch
a bunch
a bundle
a trundle
for two
a milky way
snickers day
venus is hottest
sounds just like her
magnetized
hypnotized
goddess of love and beauty and light
and hot
she's so hot
hottest by far ... no green ... to cool her down
no carbon cycle
no life
no destruction
no life
no life
no destruction
no life
just heat
hottest by far
melt your snickers on a hot milky way day
hot
hottest by far
no cycles of life and death
not yet
just heat
so hot
hottest by far
and there is something new in me

Minutia

drinking much poetry
drowning in tea
and patting my back

each hour i don't call you

still my thumbs itch to text
or glance at my inbox
so i hide my phone in the top drawer

under my panties & go paint my nails

ferreting around these colossal towers of minutia
i've built to hide myself from you

and your irresistible gravity

Bondage

if i capture you, will you live in my cage?

will you sing to me sweetly while i welcome old age?

 

if i free you, will you fly in my skies?

will you spin, whirl and twirl just for my eyes?

 

if i paint you, will you hang on my wall?

will you watch me walk safely down my dark hall?

 

if i ensnare you or let you run wild

i'm just your slave - you have me beguiled

 

 



 

Vortex

Maybe you see me; prob'ly you don't
Whichever way, escape me you won't.
I'll try to look away instead of inside
but your vortical pull leaves my eyes blind.
What I'll see instead is all in your head --
Your living - Your loving - Your sick and Your dead
It feels like a wormhole when you suck me away
And you blister my flesh like a hot Texas day

Submission

even as i fight her, i want her to win --
to upset my world and reverse its spin.

draw me. quarter me. eat me alive.
rip out my innards and hang them outside.

cut me. torture me. cause me to bleed.
give birth to my soul just to harvest my seed.

i know what she'll do as i welcome her in
she'll rape my whole world and give it her spin

Self Doubt

my flesh quivers like a digital mirage
as she shakes and vibrates underneath
her feathers poke thru in places where i told her to hide
her scales shimmer and glisten and tighten and quake
and her power reeks of freedom and peace
but still i squeeze my eyes shut
i dig my fingernails into my palms
as i try to will ignorance back into place

mystic

i like to pause in the presence of a powerful tree
i like to pause in the presence of the tiniest bee
bzzz...bzzz...hmmm...hmmm
i like to bow my head and show my respect
to the humming and buzzing of energy flow
to be...to be...to be.  now, go!

go

 

it’s the friction in the nonfiction of your life that makes you grow

it’s your own shade of grey not pristine black or white that takes you where you go

if where you go’s not where you want then where you go you go

if where you go is where you want then where you go you go

I go you go he go she go we go I go you go

and where you go I go I go

and where I go you go

always going never gone

I go you go he go she go we go I go you go

always singing our old song

always going never gone

the sun is up the sun is down

on the country on the town

on the shackled on the crowned

the sky clouds up the rain comes down

Starting with the Sun

An excerpt ...

I light a stick of incense and lock my door. Before puffing out its flame to a smoldering ash, I am moved by the visible and tangible glow the lit incense stick casts on my mouth. It is so warm. It is so light. And my face is cold because of course my window is open and it is the second of January. Secrets fly faster to me through open windows and linger longer behind locked doors. So that is where and why you find me now with lit incense in hand admiring the constant play of shadow and shine of glow and gloom across the landscape of my face. I am thinking to myself, what if the sun and earth love each other like this flame and the globe of my face. And then I think to myself, they do. They must. The constant seduction and courtship of one another. The earth, ever the tease, always exposing more while she takes more away. Spinning and twirling away and away, but also always rolling and rolling back into the arms of her flame. It is said, in Madame Fey, “Living addicted to she who is addicted to me is the most constant and clean energy I have ever seen.”

the gate

 

 

have we forgotten how just to be

in this ever speeding current sea

of currency of dollars and nonsense

where every circumstance every happenstance

has a hallmark a trademark an ip address

a dress a dress a dress for me

to wear to the prom to wear just for tea

a dress for me a dress for me

a muppet a puppet a poppet a queen

in the land of the lost to be or not to be

have we forgotten how just to be

just you and just me

have we forgotten the fun of the dance

the strength of the trance

when we could be just you and just me

still.

i know you're far away so maybe i seem far away.
but i'm not.
i always talk to you.
still.

red door

"do not try to be the nothing that moves me," she said and he did not understand
and he formed his lips to make the words to ask why and what and how she means, but she was gone
in a poof
in a puff
in a whirl
like always
she was gone and his mouth was stuck with the unsaid words and his groin was stuck with unspent seed
and he spat
again and again
to spit her out, he thought, whilst questioning his own sanity, whilst questioning himself, whilst wondering if she was ever there at all
like always
and he spat
again and again
and she was out, he said when he was through

Balm (a plagiarism)

you look like you could soothe the anger of the whole world

and you probably could

and to be honest i almost can't even believe you're the same person

but you're the kinda girl i'd really love to meet and try to see

what makes your mind

and makes your art go tick, tick, tick

and dammit, i just had something pithy or thoughtful to say,

i forgot what it was

i get retarded-worded when i try to say too much at once

guess what i mean to say is

you look like you could soothe the anger of the whole wide world

guess what i mean to say is

shit

i'm starving but i couldn't force myself to eat

just fucking absolute impotence is all i have now to shake this feeling

i would do anything to step out of this place (my head)

and you scare me when you're mad

and to be honest, i almost can't even believe you're the same person

but you look like you could soothe the anger of the whole wide world

and you probably could

Astral Apples

snippets from a dream you can't recall, she's whispering truths that sound like fancy and lies, and i know her. she'll dance naked like a flame of the fire we are under your pale moonlight if you bring her that om. bring it all home, doll, bring me that om so we can turn this pale moon nest into our own little om sweet om i'll do it all night. i'll whisper our truths until they sound like lies, and we can laugh and dance naked like flames of the fire we are. astral projecting is nothing to fear. so, shhhh, relaxx, and have a bite of this apple, m'dear

Winehouse, Amy, Amy, Amy

dotdotdot

Amy Amy Amy
Although I've been here before
Amy Amy Amy
He's just too hard to ignore
Masculine he spins a spell
I think he'd wear me well
Amy Amy Amy
Where's my moral parallel

dotdotdot

Birth

Rocking with the rhythm of my Learning

Rocking in the cradle of my Self

in the velvet womb of my om

I am loving this birth of my Self

Trouble

Whole wide world outside my door
Trouble's sweet stink thick in the misty air

My old vices and new vices too
Itching my feet
Curling my hair

What if I do?
What if I don't?

Ain't no dare I ain't chased,
But I'm tryin' so hard to be still

Every corner
Every step
Every sway of my hips and lick of my lips
Sends a dangerous vibe through the air

Can't find a place to go where it won't follow me home

I, Amie

I am not the sum of all the parts of me you see.
I, Amie.
Recycled Om to fuel tentative steps into a world unseen.
Therapeutic mistakes to invigorate an obstinate grasp on my dreams.
La ti da ti da ti di
I am me. I am me. I am me.

I am not responsible for living up to what you've heard about me.
I, Amie.
Ignorant of sensationalized half-truths, myths and lies.
Empowered by the lure of a future as eccentric as me.
La ti da ti da ti di
I am me. I am me. I am me.

Smoke

hittin' like a heavyweight
driftin' like a feather
smoke follows beauty
no matter the weather

love of destruction
passion for reprieve
smoke follows beauty
no matter your belief

Spent

Trying to think
through this mountain of sleep
and deep uncharted fear
of the known
is like trying to remember a dream once it's gone.

Racing

Racing like I'm running
from
or to
you

Hands are sweaty
Heart is fast
I'm racing like I'm running

Never with you
Always from or to you

With you, time stands still

But, getting there is always like jumping on a spinning merry-go-round

And once I'm on, the edge of the thing makes me dizzy

So.

I get in the center. Where it's still. And, I stay.

As long as I can. Til the ride reverses. Once again.

Bad Case of You

Ditzy Daisies
Midday Lazies
I've got a bad case of you

Sunny Shinebeams
Ice Cream Daydreams
I've got a bad case of you

Fall

Fall, Fall
Autumn is Fall.
If I can't have that,
I won't have it all.

Carbon Nation

Carbon dated

Carbon nation

Pop culture pops

Before it can fizz

So bright and shiny

Bland and flat

Shelf life of the collective attention span:

About a second or two

Diluted Zen

Lost a button
Split my jeans
Ain't superstitious
Don't care what it means

Rock me like it
I'm your Baby
Rock me like it
I'm your Tramp

All we are
Is all we is
That's all I'll say
About that

Underrated

Simply stated, you underrated me.

Delicious pawn, you thought you man enough to snare me.

House of mirrors to entertain me,

But I just look like this.

My doll face is my smoky disguise.

I rob the rich to feed the poor.

I just look like this.

You knew your way through your mirrored maze,

But smoke and mirrors are my favorite game.

If you want back on top, man, you'd better

Readjust your aim.

I'm robbing you now to feed me more.

You'd better ask somebody.

Now, who's zooming who?

You think me a dime,

and maybe one time that's all that I was,

But honeychild's feeding the Lord of the Flies,

And wouldn't think twice about dropping you.

I'm robbing him now to feed you more.

Simply stated, you underrated me.

I just look like this.

Kitty Cat Song

Sittin' outside
Kitty cat
Sittin' outside
Kitty cat
Sittin' outside
Kitty cat
Don't feed her
She'll follow you home

Kitty cat
Likes the warm cream
Kitty cat
Likes the warm cream
Kitty cat
Likes the warm cream
Don't pet her
She'll never go on on

Friday

Maybe I'll take a nap now

Maybe I'll get drunk and dance now,

Or maybe I'll get drunk and write

Maybe I'll do some yoga,

And have a little green tea

Maybe those clouds will rain now

Maybe the sky will cry

Maybe that's not thunder at all

Maybe I was born just to die

Mourning

Biting cold between my teeth
Searing heat behind my eyes
This missing you has me
Perplexed.

Confounded
by strawberries' sweetness
and the moon's pale meekness.
I can't taste luxury
Until I exhale.

Dark smoky haze
Instead of a blaze
When I watch for a face that I know.

Vodka or brandy or
Rootbeer or candy
I'm empty as soon as I'm full.

The end.

Glass

Glass on glass:
This world is not my own.
Through smoky nights of jazz and raindrops,
I've tried to squeeze me in between
This glass on glass
World that's not my own.

Paned immobile:
This globe is all I own.
Pale white wings as smooth as skin,
This ashen halo binds my feet
Of glass on glass.
This globe is all I own.

Glimpse of Peace

Sittin' still through every heartache.
Sittin' still through every piece
Of grief and every bit of
Every tiny shred of every little peace

I can find on this
Island of Sad and Far Away Time.

Writhing like a serpent.
Piercing like a knife.
Rolling through me like the
Black of all the darkest nights.

But every tiny moment
Of the briefest glimpse of peace
Takes me through the rough spots --
Gives me hope I'll be redeemed.

Tea Time

I am time and time is me,
And broken both are we.

We are

Splintered like the china pattern
Shattered at my feet.
My days are lonely fragments
Of the life I used to keep.

Tinker bells and fairy tales once
Danced through every hall,
But now it's time for tea for one.
I'm climbing every wall

Of this cage, cage, cage.
I'm stuck in this age
Of tea for one, and tea for one
Ain't sweet at all,
So time will never be for tea.

Nowhere

Woke up this morning with the whole wide world at my feet.

Woke up this morning with the whole wide world at my feet.

Trouble is my feet forgot their step.

Trouble is my feet forgot their step.

Think I'll tag along with the nowhere man and his nowhere clan

'cause these pretty toes forgot where they goes.

Guess I'm part of this nowhere man and his nowhere clan

'cause this gypsy rose forgot where she began.

I think I smelled the sun, but I forgot today to breathe.

I think I tasted breeze, but I forgot today to eat.

Been sleep walking with the nowhere man and his nowhere clan, and

Today I forgot to be.

Dreamt of You

Dreamt of you last night.

I know 'cause I stayed up cryin'.

Dreamt of you last night.

I know 'cause I woke up smilin'.

How'd this lullabye get so far

Away from home and all I know?

How'd this dark sky sleep-a-bye

Wander off without me?

Run, Run, Run

Around the block and back.

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom

To every moon and back.

Wander off without me

Up all night a cryin',

But then I'll fall, and then I'll dream,

and always dream about you.

REevaluating

Maybe this watchin-tha-grass-grow

Watchin-tha-kids-play

Rockin-on-tha-back-porch

Life

Ain't for me

Always a princess.

Always a pea.

Queen of the willed,

Waiting for tea.

Staying Fast

Waiting on my nowhere land of bliss

To find and pull me once again

Suck me under

Choke my breath

You can't be too far

Mama's too afraid to fly

Not without those nowhere wings

Not without those sky shoes

Mama's not flying - just idling on this

Island of real

Come on back here, nowhere wings

Mama's sittin' still

Come on back here, sky shoes

Mama's staying fast

Gonna sit here and wait

For all the world to pass

Home can't be too far

Day is fading fast

Home can't be too far

Mama's staying fast