quick sketch of the earthbound mystic

how do i thank you
lover of worlds unseen?
not in the gold that
dazzles the pretentious,
but in clytie's gold petals,
i thank you.
not in the palaces that
placate the pompous,
but in aurai's wings,
i thank you.
not in the diamonds that
weigh down the fingers of queens,
but in asteria's sky gems,
i thank you.
you lover of earth and of wind and of sky,
i thank you in flowers and breezes and stars,
for that is your worth.
you tamer of passions,
you wrangler of pride,
you priestess of unvarnished truth,
i thank you.
you conundrum of love,
your heart has picked well,
for your name is worthy of love
yet your sign is love unrequited -
your gift has set you free.

quick sketch of the sad girl at the market

was it always a mirage
in my fool's head
or were you happy ... in the beginning?

i'm a masochistic fiend
addicted to my own blood
convinced i want the real thing

... on this everlasting quest ...

eager to risk it all
for the magic
chasing that eternal first taste

and i lie
to myself
"i'm not a fool to believe..."

... i think ... i say ...

but i question
these exquisite cages
these elaborate bonds

and i find myself here
again and again
the unlovable one

... tell me ...

it was real
if only for a moment
don't quench my thirst

to try, to chase
that first taste
that virgin's blood

... of love ...

lady yule

if i could, sweet bee,
i'd whisk you away to a winter hideaway
i'd call the snowflakes just to watch them compete with your fading summer freckles
(bless you, frau holle, for shaking your feather bed)
i'd plant a forest just for the right to chop one down for you
i'd burn it down, in tiny pieces, shoved into an ancient stove,
to watch your cheeks find their roses again,
to let your eyes leak their tears until they shined again,
we'd make smoke signals to the sisters and forget all the misters
the squirrels they would scamper,
the bears would play banjos,
the foxes would dance through the trees,
the rabbits would drum - drum, drum, di, drum, drum,
while the owls penned sonnets to the breeze
while alcyone's sleep tamed the wild seas
i'd feather your nest with the seams of the sky
where the wildest ones fly - the blindest, the wisest - like you and like me
let the wheel stop while the sun has her sleep
i'd nestle your head while you weep and you weep
and just as they came, those shadows, they'd creep ... away
for the nymph who taught bees to make their sweet honey,
the sun will once more be ever so sunny

banyan

respect

i bow

thank you

for your

mighty limbs

ancient root

grateful

timeless shield

tireless shade

respect

i bow

ask you

for your

vital fruit

primal seed

grant me

endless yield

immortal feast

respect

i bow

give you

for your

lasting line

deathless field

plant your

ceaseless breed

eternal tree

acting out

sometimes i don't know what to do
so i cry
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i sleep
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i eat
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i drink
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i smoke
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i laugh
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i fight
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i fuck
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i play
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i breathe
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i believe
sometimes i don't know what to do
so i love
sometimes i don't know what to do
but i always know i want to do it with you

blind

i'm holding

all these broken pieces

twisted, charred and

splintered pieces

in my hands

my grasp

is slipping

we both keep tripping

on hearts too big

too full

for our straight thinking

anon

this tiny little death

this anonymous soul

i can almost welcome the pain

just to help you escape the wrath of the world

mother

one day i'll do it
maybe never
maybe soon
tell you all the things to make you whole
those things i took away
to give you the whole wide world
you're that piece of me that breathes for me
and i die daily
eternal asphyxiation
enduring annihilation
of me
so you
can breathe
the want in me, i let it starve
in hopes you'll gorge on life
the exceptional beauty of every second of you
i kept from me so you might see
it all in you
you're the best of me, all that's left of me
and if my dying lets you live
you live for me

chase

i paint my face for you
i'm trimmed in lace for you
i'm the pot of gold
that'll never get old
each day, i'll be a new chase for you
but chase
don't waste
my time
i'm a runner
i'm a wanderer
i'm a gypsy
i'm a sprite
but for you
i'll be your daily chase
but chase
i paint my face for you
i'm trimmed in lace for you
i'm the pot of gold
that'll never get old
but chase
i run
but i'll run for you
just chase
me
when you catch me, release me
let me fly
it's my night
it's my sky
but if you'll chase
each day, i'll be a new chase for you

alice sin

you have not because you ask not
but i have because i take
you
i paint my walls with you
before i ask
i fill my mind with you
before i ask
you dance for me
because i say
you will
you muse
my fuse
my liquid om
i drink you now
you take me home
and let me fly
before i die
then kill me once again

star sister

where are you, sister
those bits of you,
that scattered, shattered oneness
those soul splinters
that truth
that ruthless love
that drove me to myself
that rode me to my wealth
that stripped me of my mind
replaced my brash with stealth
of truth of time of wild so quiet she whispers
the wail of infinite drifters
all seeking
that you inside them all
where are you, sister

spore

i'll love you like a curse until the day i don't and even then you'll feel it
creeping up your throat when you have a mind to smile
crushing through your chest when you're rounding your last mile
and i'll grow through every vein like a seed
you'll see my eyes you'll see my face every time you feel that need
to hold to chase to live to breathe
i'll infest every cell with rapid viral speed
you'll feel my hands you'll feel my touch every time you feel that need
to go to run to fuck to breed
i'll warn you now, but still i'll love you like a sunburn like a brainfreeze
i'll love you like a curse until the day i don't and even then you'll feel it
you'll feel it 'til you won't and then you will

again

and again and again and again

creeping up your throat to choke out every smile
crushing through your chest while you push through your last mile
and i'll grow through every vein like a seed
you'll see my eyes in every face while you fight the need
to hold to chase to live to breathe
you'll feel my hands in every touch each time you know that need
to go to run to fuck to breed

healer's curse

i pour my love into cracks too big to hold it
that heart of yours that still is hers
my words can't begin to describe it
but i try and i try
and each day a little more of me dies
that hope once blooming is now decaying
into a cancer so black and twisted
that even to the worst i couldn't wish it
so i patch it and i stitch it
with pieces of mine into a quilt
that will always beat in time with mine
it pulses it writhes it's bloody like mine
and still
i pour my love into cracks to big to hold it
you're healing and you don't even know it
but you will
and next time
when you try
you'll feel it - more deeply than any tear
more jagged than the claws of her snare
you'll feel it
that heart you have is whole
but the patches
the stitches
they're mine
you're whole, and you still don't know it
but you will
and the next time you try
that unnatural flutter, that quickening of excitement,
that love of divine,
that's mine

Sleeping

i slept a dead sleep and
i did not walk

if i flew,
i flew me round the dark side of the moon
where whispers wander freely
and time does trickle nearly close to real

Dangerous

my thoughts are a runaway train
but there's a bomb in my pocket
i'll take you insideout but i'll drop you fast
when last you saw me i was learning
but now i'm learned
i'll build you a castle
but then i'll burn it
i'll furnish it, polish it; i'll make it gleam
in the sun like your most golden dream
then i'll smoke it all
burn it all
turn it all down to ash on the ground

Newness

And then there was a once upon a time
that all the little ones
reached out into the darkness of what isn't

they reached out with  blind pink paws
and sniffed with
blind little pink mole noses
and their collective little blind mole whiskers
positively quivered
for the newness of it all

Boy Boy Destroy

Boy Boy Destroy

How sad to be a boy
Boy boy destroy
To see the ant without hearing its hum
Boy boy destroy
To see the tree without feeling its love
Boy boy destroy
To hold me each night without knowing my worth
Boy boy destroy

juneteenth

not every day i'm alone do i feel lonely
but today i'm alone and i feel lonely
and so i eat greasy cheesy snacks
and wear thick gray woolen socks
i look out windows and think about you
i draw bubble baths and forget to take them
til they're chilly and bubble-popped
nothing holds my attention
but everything attracts it
not every day i'm alone do i feel lonely
but today i'm alone and i feel lonely

even hate. let it be

your self-prophetic cancer
hate me slowly - each and every second from now til you decide to die
and it's so futile being born and reborn
every century or so
to love or to hate me
to be polarized by me
instead of listening to the cicadas who know how to be
so peacefully viciously cicadaly free
just cicadaly cicadaing next to peaceful ol' me

it's never the flame
that kills the moth
it's the moth

jumping. into. the flame.

it's always
always
always
the moth that kills the moth

...

peace monster
i told you
don't bite - don't chew
blissfully
ignorantly
thee

chained to the cancer of hating the free

make it

you and me,

we got this
nonverbal

and this

drive

to make it
everything

even

verbal

Rite

she was earth itself
and inside her i did not apologize for violence
the violence of emotion
of devotion
the violence of void
as i emptied myself
again and again
i live
i breathe
it is now
only. ever. always.
now

Inequities

there is something new in me
a sharpening of my awareness
a tangible draw where what before was more like a ... hunch
a bunch
a bundle
a trundle
for two
a milky way
snickers day
venus is hottest
sounds just like her
magnetized
hypnotized
goddess of love and beauty and light
and hot
she's so hot
hottest by far ... no green ... to cool her down
no carbon cycle
no life
no destruction
no life
no life
no destruction
no life
just heat
hottest by far
melt your snickers on a hot milky way day
hot
hottest by far
no cycles of life and death
not yet
just heat
so hot
hottest by far
and there is something new in me

Minutia

drinking much poetry
drowning in tea
and patting my back

each hour i don't call you

still my thumbs itch to text
or glance at my inbox
so i hide my phone in the top drawer

under my panties & go paint my nails

ferreting around these colossal towers of minutia
i've built to hide myself from you

and your irresistible gravity

Bondage

if i capture you, will you live in my cage?

will you sing to me sweetly while i welcome old age?

 

if i free you, will you fly in my skies?

will you spin, whirl and twirl just for my eyes?

 

if i paint you, will you hang on my wall?

will you watch me walk safely down my dark hall?

 

if i ensnare you or let you run wild

i'm just your slave - you have me beguiled

 

 



 

Vortex

Maybe you see me; prob'ly you don't
Whichever way, escape me you won't.
I'll try to look away instead of inside
but your vortical pull leaves my eyes blind.
What I'll see instead is all in your head --
Your living - Your loving - Your sick and Your dead
It feels like a wormhole when you suck me away
And you blister my flesh like a hot Texas day

Submission

even as i fight her, i want her to win --
to upset my world and reverse its spin.

draw me. quarter me. eat me alive.
rip out my innards and hang them outside.

cut me. torture me. cause me to bleed.
give birth to my soul just to harvest my seed.

i know what she'll do as i welcome her in
she'll rape my whole world and give it her spin

Self Doubt

my flesh quivers like a digital mirage
as she shakes and vibrates underneath
her feathers poke thru in places where i told her to hide
her scales shimmer and glisten and tighten and quake
and her power reeks of freedom and peace
but still i squeeze my eyes shut
i dig my fingernails into my palms
as i try to will ignorance back into place

mystic

i like to pause in the presence of a powerful tree
i like to pause in the presence of the tiniest bee
bzzz...bzzz...hmmm...hmmm
i like to bow my head and show my respect
to the humming and buzzing of energy flow
to be...to be...to be.  now, go!

go

 

it’s the friction in the nonfiction of your life that makes you grow

it’s your own shade of grey not pristine black or white that takes you where you go

if where you go’s not where you want then where you go you go

if where you go is where you want then where you go you go

I go you go he go she go we go I go you go

and where you go I go I go

and where I go you go

always going never gone

I go you go he go she go we go I go you go

always singing our old song

always going never gone

the sun is up the sun is down

on the country on the town

on the shackled on the crowned

the sky clouds up the rain comes down

Starting with the Sun

An excerpt ...

I light a stick of incense and lock my door. Before puffing out its flame to a smoldering ash, I am moved by the visible and tangible glow the lit incense stick casts on my mouth. It is so warm. It is so light. And my face is cold because of course my window is open and it is the second of January. Secrets fly faster to me through open windows and linger longer behind locked doors. So that is where and why you find me now with lit incense in hand admiring the constant play of shadow and shine of glow and gloom across the landscape of my face. I am thinking to myself, what if the sun and earth love each other like this flame and the globe of my face. And then I think to myself, they do. They must. The constant seduction and courtship of one another. The earth, ever the tease, always exposing more while she takes more away. Spinning and twirling away and away, but also always rolling and rolling back into the arms of her flame. It is said, in Madame Fey, “Living addicted to she who is addicted to me is the most constant and clean energy I have ever seen.”