Welcome Home

Your life, you knew, would breathe my breathing.
You knew, at first you knew.
You saw, at first you saw.
What all your life you knew.

It takes not one,
It takes not one,
It takes not one,
But two.

One and one is two,
Two and two is four.
Four and twenty make a day;
A day makes twenty-four.
Son, Twenty three is not a day;
A day makes twenty four.
Sun Twenty-three is not a day;
A day needs one sun more.
A day needs one sun more.
Give Daddy two sons more. I want it, Mama. I want more.
Twenty-three is not a day,
A day needs one sun more.
And a week makes seven more…
And a month makes thirty more…
Twelve a year, a year for you,
You’re king, my son, your king and then you blink, you’re in war.
And a war made seventy-four.
Son, you hear? I said a war. A war made seventy-four.

Add five for seventy nine.

I was born while you were bearing.
I cut teeth while you were tearing.
I first walked while you were running.
I was round while you were lost.
In Big and Bright and Loud.
You were lost until you found
That you were you and me.
Crash … into me … into the space between.
Between some space between the big and sad and dark and lost was you.
You were lost,
And I was found until I lost that center of my world for you.
I gave me up. I found you filling. My … self … more than … I …
I paused and melted …found …for lost.
I melted found for lost. For you. For you,
I lost my found… and you lost your lost –with my lost found, you filled your self to filling
With my spilling spilling found to trade your lost until you started winning.
I’d ride your winning higher than mine could spin, spin, spinning on my own was lost for you.
You chewed me up and spit you out.

And I feel so good in it.
In that thing you made when you made us,
Or let me make it,
Whichever we decided it was.

You chewed me up and spit you out.

I gave you two and two.

Two years spent, now
Two sons bent
Across your arms this morning,
Laughing, hugging, kissing, laughing,
Two sons called you Daddy.
Two and two for you.
I was one, I added you.
We grew two by two.

One and one is two,
Two and two is four.
Four and twenty make a day;
A day makes twenty-four.
Twenty three is not a day.
A day makes twenty four.


In seven days, God made the earth.
He sent his son, they say
On Christmas cards and Christmas songs you hear while buying Christmas.
Well, one week later, we start our year and you come into being.
You met my sons the day after Christmas.
You played their games they gave you a crown.
Benjamin snapped into loving.
You met my mom.
We moved you in.
One week after Christmas.
On New Year’s Day I heard you say it,
Mama, can Daddy come home?

In seven days, God made the Earth,
Seven days was your rebirth.

You’ve been here before.
Where have you been?
You’re mine; now let me come home.
I’ve missed you all this time.
You’re mine; Mama, let me come home.
You’re hear at last, I’m waiting so long
To watch your mouth
say it
say it
say it
say it.

Daddy come home.

“It’s cold outside, Mama. Can your Daddy come home?”

And it was cold, our Eden. Softly, breathing, softly sleeping.
A coincidence.
A spider bite.
An uncannily hot Christmas week, but
What can you say ‘bout crazy Texas heat.
The ice the heat the ice the heat the ice the heat the ice …
Switching places Texas-fast, crazy Texas Christmas heat.
The spider bit me,
I was dizzy,
Much too much to walk,
But I drove to the doctor with the last of my holiday high, bright sunny sun in the sky, black boots up to my thigh, with the fading fumes of my cranberry Christmas high, I drove my little red Jeep to the doctor,
The bright was so bright,
And the sun was so sunny,
My eyes were red and dusty and blurry, and worst of all
I was dizzy, so dizzy, so dizzy, so dizzy,
I waited and waited,
But nobody saw me, and I remembered the sexiest man, the blackest, the brightest, the dirtiest beautiful sight, the lonely, the sad, the crazy, the sexy, the old, young, dirty old man, the craziest, sexiest,
Lost,
I thought of him that spider-bite-day while the sun burned unseasonably sunny,
And he lived in some crack house a couple of blocks away, so I went an’ got ‘im.

Sherry Lynn? Yes. Hi. Yes. Bye.
Black and Unc. Yes. Thump. Slap. Thump. Slap. Bye.
White and polished in a den of thieves and den of thieves and lions and lies
A knife and some guns and some thugs and some drugs and some crazy ol’, crazy ol’ lies, like:
This is the life.
Air thick with lies, like: It’s mine, and I’m livin’ my life.
Rescue me. I’m who you know I am. I’m bare-boned and crazy for you.
You belong among the wildflowers and I wanna be the motherfucker that brings ‘em to you.

Daddy, I loved you,
From the second I saw you.
So strong and so weak so crowded, so lonely, so lonely with waiting and waiting for me.
If my arms were the sky I would have scooped you up and breathed in you til you lived
Your lost, lost eyes,
They made me cry when you were gone.
I cried with the lusty lost of the loved,
I cried for you when you left.
If I had been sky if I could be light, I’d have breathed in you til you could breathe.
I cried, Daddy, I hurt like I loved you before.

I hurt like I’d loved you all of my life.

I did, Daddy. You know that I did. I’ve proven I did.

Where have you been?
You said to me you looked through - you knew that you knew that I knew
Smoke was smoking, grills were grilling, fans were fanning sweat, and naps were mapping dreams on starry nights.
Summertime, and the livin’s easy, fish are jumpin’ and the cotton’s high
in twenty-six years to the very exact day before I ran into you.
I breathed. At last. You breathed your breath right through me.
Your light was there, my light was here, but you stopped yours … once you saw
Your tunnel ending,
Light was calling,
You came crawling,
Home.
Too,
Me.
And it’s just for your sake that you be mine, girl,
I’m crawling too
Any time life beats me
Light is calling
We come crawling
Scratching, clawing,
Straight to heaven through hell.

Mama, can your Daddy come home?
There’s fried chicken on the stove, football’s on and the beer is cold,
Much colder than the water in that aluminum horse trough, stock tank, pool the kids are in,
And leaves are falling, but the sunny is sunny until it gets cold, and right now
It’s cold outside.
Can your Daddy come home?

You one tough bitch.
You one mean bitch.
You one tough, mean, sweet bitch,

And don’t make me breathe without breathing your air.
I don’t know how I’ll do it…but I have no choice.

I’m not living if not with you.

I don’t know how I’ll do it, but
I’m beatin’ me… ‘til I stop beatin’… me.

You sweet motherfucker.
You know that?
You a sweet … motherfucker.

And I ain’t gonna cry,
Cause I said that I wouldn’t.

You tough enough to beat my ass,
You tough enough to beat my ass, girl.
You sweet honeychild.

Goddamn, it girl, you kicked my ass…

For me.

Ain’t nobody … ever beat me …into loving me.
Ain’t nobody …said… I’mma make you …hate it …as much as me.
Ain’t nobody …beat me …till …I …beat me.
Ain’t NO.body…piss me off … more …than… you.

You one bad bitch.
You one tough bitch.
You sweet motherfucker.

I’m coming home, Mama.
I’m saying, I’m tired of this cold, Man.

You open them arms, Mama,
Daddy’s home.

I ain’t never goin’ nowhere. Ain’t never. Never going nowhere.
I’m home, goddamn it, I’m home.

It’s taken better men than me,
Now how can that be?

Put my beer in the freezer and some salt on my glass.
You do what you do girl, you do what you do,
You just open them arms and open them legs and do what you do to keep Daddy in the light
I’m home and I’m stayin’
You open them legs
I’m not waiting away anymore light.
I reached the end. The Secret is mine. Knew the day afer juneteenth.

I danced and I sang. I danced and I sang.
I fried pork that only men eat.
I danced and I sang the song that is mine.
I shook you hard with the glory of knowing.
I reached the end. The end of the lying. The end of the waiting. The end of the dying.
I’m here with you now.
We’re living past living.
We found it. It’s paradise lost.
Maybe once, but now it is found.
I was blind, but now I see.

You’re a sweet motherfucker,
You open them arms.

You hear me girl?
Ain’t nobody loved me for me.

You hear me girl,
You getcho ass over here,

I’m ready. You …made …me …ready… to love …me.

It’s cold outside,
Can your Daddy come home?

I’m askin’, I’m beggin’, I’m tired of losing this game.
I’m askin’, I’m crawlin’, I’m tired of lying,

You win,
Can your Daddy come home?

I get it,
Can your Daddy come home?

I’m me, Mama.
Daddy is home.

Hey Daddy?
Dot
Dot
Dot
Daddy, Wel…come home.